Motivation

So it seems like maintaining a blog is one of those things where you have to be really self-motivated to actually succeed. This is one of those things that I am not. Every time I log into blogger and see that I have zero comments, what little excitement and pizazz I had for writing a new post flies out the window. I think this is why Facebook is so much better and keeping my attention than MySpace was. I love those little red notification numbers at the top of the screen. They make me want to write more clever statuses so I can get even MORE little red notifications!

So really, self-motivation; I have none. In second grade I was one of those kids who never got to go to recess because I wouldn't have my homework done and I'd have to sit inside and work on it with all the bad kids who would just talk and not do any work, and when you'd try to shush them they'd say "-it! OOOOHHHHH YOU SAID A BAD WORD!!!!" and you'd want to punch them and make them cry and/or shut up so you could get your homework finished and go outside to play (I'm not bitter at all). Because it's not like I didn't want to have my homework done. It was just impossible for me to do anything at home. Still is to this day. My strategy for getting things done is to stay up as late as possible, for several days in a row if need be, until I'm so sleep deprived that whatever mental blockade I have has broken down, then I plow through as much work as I can before I either pass out or have to go to class.

I'm pretty sure I've developed a tolerance for all those nifty stress hormones that are supposed to spur a person into action. It used to be two days before a big assignment was due, I'd start freaking out and get started with enough time to do a good job. No longer. I realize when I should be freaking out. I know how much time something will take me and when it would be a good idea to start on it, but my brain just does not respond to my urging. Nowadays I get that necessary, frantic feeling about two hours before the deadline for something, leaving me just enough time to do a really shitty job (which thankfully, for me, is to get an average grade), but still have a complete assignment. If this continues at the rate it has, by this time next year, I won't even get the urge to work on something until the day after it's due. Oh hell, who am I kidding. I have a paper that was due three months ago that I still plan on emailing to my professor. I have no idea how I'm gonna make it the rest of the way through college. For now, I'm still banking on my general intelligence to compensate for my inability to function like a normal human being.

Wish me luck on my final that starts in forty minutes!