Friday, May 20, 2011

Jesus Camp

I know I said there were gonna be some epic posts coming up. I'm really good at making empty promises like that. People like you more when you tell them what they want to hear, whether you mean it or not.

While we're on the topic of empty promises, I'd like to talk a little bit about religion. Sort of.

This isn't going to be a very well thought out, inclusive, or organized post, but bear with me.

I just watched that documentary, Jesus Camp. I'm horrified. (If you haven't seen it, go on Netflix and watch it right now. If you don't have Netflix [for shame] go ask to watch it on your neighbor's Netflix, because they're better than you and they have it.) Aside from the indoctrination of children with the hopes of turning them into brainwashed little suicide bombers in the name of Jesus Christ... Nope. Actually that's probably the main point I gathered from that film. That lady is fucked up. And so are all those parents who don't recognize what they're allowing to happen to their kids. What they're doing to their kids. Children from lower incomes with substandard education, being taught that "science doesn't prove anything," that the one being who loves them more than anybody else is someone they can never see, never touch, never be reinforced by on a tangible level, and who has these grandiose expectations for them to change the world by denying their biological urges and indoctrinating others to do so as well. They put so much stress on these children, manipulating them, abusing their inherent need to feel secure and loved, laying their entire agenda upon these innocent shoulders, that the kids are shown being brought to tears from guilt for behaving the way children ought to behave multiple times throughout the film.

"Don't give in to temptation and act the same way your friends at school do. We don't want you developing healthy social skills and creating fulfilling bonds to real people outside the faith. If you do that you won't crave the love of Jesus Christ and acceptance by the members of your church enough to give up intellectual freedom!" (Not that you'd get a whole lot of that in the current educational system anyway).

I realize that the particular example in the film is extreme. There are some Christians out there who are not ridiculously ignorant, who do not try and push their beliefs onto others, and who I don't think really believe in all the jibber jabber of the Bible, but were probably just raised with that religion and feel comfortable with the title. I would probably not include these pseudo-Christians in my systematic killing of religious fanatics (killing, not sterilizing - the sooner we get rid of the ones living now, the sooner we free up the resources we're wasting on them). But I get the feeling that the ideologies presented in this documentary are more common and widespread than we realize. After all, generally speaking, people are dumb as shit and just as malleable.

It's at the point where I don't know whether or not to advocate pro-choice. I'd like to be all like, "Pro-abortion! Kill 'em all!" but I know that means that the more liberal-minded (if clumsy/irresponsible with more proactive birth control methods) people will be the ones reproducing less, while the Bible-thumpers just keep poppin' out kids like it's a sin to waste a single sperm (actually, I think it might be. You must produce 40 million children per ejaculation, or you're going to hell! Separate that shit out in a petrie dish and distribute it amongst the local ladies). We need to keep up, Intellectual Elite! We either need to start popping out nine kids a'piece, or get started on that systematic killing method (my vote's for number two. Our population's already so overinflated).

And about our ridiculous population growth! I wish kids could learn to be gay by exposure. I'd be pumping up kids all over the place with tons of Will and Grace and Queer Eye shit (I don't know of any lesbian shows. Talk about under-representation). The more homosexuals couples, the less unplanned pregnancies! Huzzah! (I remember my dad explaining to me once that homosexuality is not natural, and it can clearly be proven because if you put a bunch of gay dudes on an island and a bunch of lesbians on another island, both populations would die off with one generation. While I see the logic, I don't think my dad would make it through the sorting process to avoid my gas chambers.) This almost gets me onto my rant about how stupid in vitro fertilization is and how adoption is so much more efficient despite our biological drive to get our genes into the future, but I don't feel like making the ties between thoughts clear for that right now. (Hint: less wasted babies, more parents who want to raise children raising children = homosexual couples buy babies when they're ready and want them, less wasted babies. Also, why you be tryin' to pass on your infertile-ass genes to yo' kids, anyway?! Dayum.)

On this flamboyant note, can I mention something that I noticed during some reflection on my own personal experiences of going to church? Doesn't the whole Christianity thing seem a little gay? Maybe they don't teach it the same way everywhere, but here's what I gathered: if you're a dude, you're totally in love with this other dude, and he loves you back so much that he gave up his life so you two can meet up after you're dead, even though you lived centuries apart - if this guy ever actually lived at all, which is impossible to prove (I'm pretty sure). So now the whole goal of your life is to be good, and not sleep with a lot of different women even though human sexual dimorphism, bimaturism, and your raging hard-on for the girl at the supermarket who is not your wife strongly suggest that we're a polygamous species, so you can go to Christ in the after life and become his bride and share in his eternal bliss. To me, this can be directly translated to say "You're gonna live a shitty life full of repressing your own desires because of the judgements cast upon you by others, then you're gonna die, marry Christ while wearing a ridiculous white dress covered in sequins, and be his butt-fuck bitch for the rest of eternity." See the parallels? I don't think I'm wrong here.

There's probably a lot more I could go on about regarding the ignorance, arrogance, and obtuseness of Christianity (and religion in general), but I have to sleep sometime, and if I don't publish this now, I doubt I ever will.

I almost want to say sorry if this post offends anyone, but honestly, I'm not.